Published November 25, 2008.Size 14 is not "Plus Size"

Who the hell is in charge of ordering stock for clothing stores? Why can I never find anything in my size? Why must I circle like a buzzard waiting for new stock to arrive, so I can swoop down and snag the ONLY size 14 in the entire shipment? Sale? What the hell's a "sale"? If I wait until there's a sale, I'll find nothing but a rack full of "00" and maybe the odd size 3 or 5. Who the fuck are these Auschwitz victims who wear size 00 anyway? When I took math in school, zero was as small as you could get. And logically, if you're a size zero, wouldn't that mean you don't actually exist?

Obviously, there aren't as many size 00's walking around as you think, since you always have a bin full that you can't give away. Here's a tip for you, retail store buyers: if you're out of a certain size early in the season, you need to order MORE of that size. If, on the other hand, you find yourself with a surplus of a certain size at the end of the season, you should probably order LESS of that size. I know it's complicated, but I'm sure you can get the hang of it if you put your mind to it.

And the next one of you condescending twigs that suggests "maybe you should try one of the plus size stores", is going to get a size ten boot up the ass. It's not that I'm insulted at being directed to a "fat" store. It's that the "fat" store does not have regular fit size 14 . That's because size 14 is not a "plus size", you dimwit. Have a fucking sandwich; your blood sugar is obviously low.

If I was five feet tall and a size 14, I could probably shop at the "fat" store. If I was 5'10" and size 14, I could probably shop at the "tall" store. But I am a very average 5'7", and I want to buy some goddam clothes! Why should I pay twice as much for clothes from a specialty size store, then pay more to have them tailored back to regular size, because some stupid fuckers think "00" is the norm?

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