Dear Neighbour on Elm Street, I spend a lot of fucking money on my house renos and have tried to coordinate visits from contractors to ensure you get your beauty sleep. When the contractors wait patiently until AFTER 8 a.m. before arriving to work, park cautiously as to not encroach on your parking space, and then encounter douchebags like you yelling obscenities at them as you pull out of your driveway late for work, remember THREE things:

1. My home renos are raising YOUR property value.
2. Kids live within earshot of your festering corn hole and don't need to hear you taking out your "didn't get shit from my husband on Valentine's day" beefs on a friendly contractor.
3. I know something about your gutter cleaner man you don't and it will frighten the shit out of you.

Lighten up bitch! —Pissed Off Home Improver