Aw, co-worker, I don’t know how to say this---we don’t avoid you because we dislike you, but you are kind of gross. You can be heard eating from the next room, and you eat everything with your hands (tuna?! chicken salad?! Arrgh your hands are covered in saliva!), and your hygiene is atrocious. I feel like I need a hazmat suit to be around you. You’re so concerned with making friends but can’t seem to grasp that people flee when you start mowing into something or touching things with your spit-hands. You are unfortunately every one of my pet peeves and I just want to avoid you because I get queasy. You’re not a bad person or anything, but clean the fuck up. —Bubble Boy