Can't you see how fucking hard I am trying not to care? I grew some facial hair and wear the hipster attire so that my circle of hipsters - which is growing ever so large - will accept me. I am desperate for attention, but people don't seem to notice because of my thick rimmed glasses. I am so original. Look at me, can't you see? I drink Pabst Blue Ribbon and local beer whilst I read The Great Gatsby, which I was the first to read.

Just so you know, I liked pitchfork before it was cool, but I'd rather not talk about it, because that's how little I care. Are you looking at my ironic tattoos yet?

Come check out my band, I'll be wearing an ironic t-shirt under a plaid shirt and expressing myself under my facial hair. But whatever. —ughh....