Truly, your girlfriend is lovely. But she doesn't play music, understand your jokes, and might have her Canadian passport revoked for not knowing the definition of a hat trick. I won't go there. I'm not planning on luring you away (which probably isn't even possible) I just wanted to tell you that I would probably woo you if you were single. I think I'd be a better fit. I think I could love you more. You're pretty and funny and utterly charming and if possible I would totally try to seduce you. Like, the chances are very good—I'm no mathematician, but the odds of me trying to sleep with you (if you were available) are like 345%. —Davies