Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be, but I lost my cell phone on Saturday night. I had no way to contact you about meeting or not meeting on Sunday evening since we have only ever communicated over that dating app. When I cancelled the first time I really was sick, and I really wanted to meet you on Sunday, but there was no plan so I didn't know what to do. When I got my phone back on Tuesday - from a weird nook in my car - I opened the app to message you only to discover you had unmatched me. I cannot blame you for doing so, you must think I'm an awful person and to be honest I feel like one. You seem like a great guy and I am devastated that I made such an awful impression and did not meet up with you. Maybe one day it will be in the stars and we'll meet the old fashioned way and not over an app. I'm truly sorry, and should we ever cross paths I hope you don't try and sick your bear on me without at least hearing me out. —Curly Haired Date Ditcher

Happy Birthday, Bass Player. —Love you, Groupie

It's a silly crush, but that's the fun of it. Things won’t go anywhere, and that's okay with me because it's just nice to feel these feelings again. You give my little broken heart palpitations. —Glad You (Sort Of) Like Girls Too

Fuck you both. —This won't last long

I wasn't born yesterday, or the day before. Or the day before that. We had an affair. Yes. And I'd say the only thing you really know for sure about an affair is when it started. You say you are confused by my actions. Don’t be. You know why. I see it in your eyes and your body language. You were playing with me and I called you on it. You meant something to me and you played with my desire and I called you on it. I'm not another toy and you are seeing that now. So don't be confused. Be sorry. I was.... —Almost perfect

This is a love and a bit of a bitch. I wish you'd have taken a bit more interest, but as most people online dating, we tend to have the attention span of goldfish. I think we have a lot in common. I think you're great and I could have as-you-wish’d the hell out of you after awhile I think. Who knows now? Good luck you're adorable. —Vizzini's captive

There is no denying it. We all want to be the “cool” girlfriend. You know, the “wants you but doesn’t need you” girl - that does her own thing, that doesn’t rely on you, that never gets jealous. How desperately we want to be the girl that his friends attach adjectives like “chill” or “cool” to when brought up in conversation between beer pong and fist pumping. Cool girlfriends are afraid to ask for what they want from a man. Whether it’s commitment, affection or more time, asking is really fucking hard. So we don’t. We don’t want to be controlling or needy, so we deny ourselves the things that we want and need. We swallow our insecurities, we let the things that bother us roll of our shoulders. We do this in the name of self reliance (coolness), and in the process, we throw away the real possibility of co-dependence. We give away the possibility of real love. This is the paradox. Girlfriends who are really cool, ask. If you want to be a cool girlfriend, you have to ask for what you want. Actually, you have to do more than ask. You have to BECOME SOMEONE WHO ASKS. It is easy. Set standards for yourself and never settle for less than them. If you become someone who asks for what they want, eventually you’ll find someone who doesn’t need you to. —Lindsay Proudfoot

I seen u out in front of tim hortons in kentville it was the most amazing sight i have ever seen with your pajama pants fluttering in the wind. you just finished hacking on a cigarette when i seen you make eye contact. i tipped my fedora at you but looked away. i could feel my ginger neckbeard start to curl from anger. i cant stop thinking about u and everytime i hear linkin park i start to cry into my My Little Pony pillow. please email me so we can watch the 25th anniversiry episode of my little pony together —Bum fucker McGee