Bring Back Bald Britney
She a boss ass bitch
with an umbrella ella ella
Bustin up car windows
No more dancing Vegas puppet
Handlers at the kitty cat ranch

Fat Palimony bitchboy
Federline fed enough
He eatin like a king,
Bling bling bling,
Cut him off judge!
Leave Britney alone!
Illuminati queen, next to Bey
But I like Sahsa Fierce better.

Bring back bald Britney
and bald Bynes too.
Yas yas yas queens
Yous the real shits
Stay Woke
—Read between the lines

Today at the Windsor exchange, there were four panhandlers working all medians and walking into traffic. Stop giving them money! They are a nuisance and a distraction. Last Sunday, going straight on the MacDonald Bridge at the corner of Nantucket Avenue and Wyse Road, a truck in front of me was giving money to a beggar (on the passenger's side) who was walking the middle of the road, just as the light turned green. As the truck took off, this asshole stood in front of me with a big grin, holding me up. Knock it off!
—Mad Max

Called to order a donair from the pizza place, which was listed for $9.50. They wanted to charge me an extra three dollars for delivery because my order is under $10. Why not just add the extra 50 cents, then, to bump it up to 10 bucks? Why do you need three dollars more for nothing? Fuck you, you charletons! I don't like being nickelled and dimed and charged extra for nothing. Why not make the price of large donair 10 bucks, not 9.50? Then they want an extra dollar to use interac. It's 2019, everywhere has interac for free, dipwads. Welcome to the 21 century. I cancelled my order because I want a donair, not a head fuck! Also, I didn't like the tone of the asshole on the phone. Won't be calling you damn rip off artists again! Also your donair causes uncontrollable diarrhoea the next morning, so I'm doing myself a favor, actually.
—Shove it up your ass

This magazine is full of revolting articles not suitable for folks with a sane mind—and you leave it all over the place for free! Any child could come along and take one, thinking it is something kind of congruous to family values in the public news form, but it is just disgusting! I don't want to hear about your sex lives you sickos—and neither do the children! Every time I have tried to flip through this thing I forget the only reason I empty the Coast paper machine every time I see one is to put the papers under where the birds sleep. Free crap catchers.
—Mary Contrary

As a avid cyclist of over 30 years, I know how to ride my bike. I follow the rules of the road and respect the pedestrians and traffic around me. Here are some excerpts from my ride yesterday:

Thank you to the driver of the white pickup truck on Waverly Road yesterday. Your side mirror literally touched my shoulder and helmet while both of my wheels were ON the white line. Thank you the the driver of the dump truck who passed me going through Fletcher's Lake. When you passed me, your giant empty flatbed trailer swerved to the right, going off the road and taking me with it into the ditch—fun times.

And a final thank you to the driver of the garbage truck out past Elmsdale: When you passed me doing 80km/hr with about 2 inches of space, at least the wind suction gave me a respite from the headwind I had been riding into for over a hour. The adrenaline burst of my life flashing before my eyes helped, also.
—Huggin' the line

I am sick and tired of all these fucks who think that the flashing light of the pedestrian signal is just a suggestion. It's not a fucking suggestion. It's a demand. Fucking stop means fucking stop!
—Disgruntled walker

I work in an office building and I have a candy bowl at my desk for all employees to come by and enjoy taking a candy whenever they please. But, when one individual comes by every day and grabs a handful, I'm thinking about closing down the candy shop. It's not fair for the others, since I'm trying to be nice. I can't afford to refill the bowl if this keeps up.
—Going from sweet to sour

OMG - What is wrong with people? On the bus today - both times the #1 - I saw a guy get on with his 'domesticated' rat - no cage, no bag, no leash just tucked up into his hoodie! Who the fuck does that? In retrospect I should have told the driver and had both the guy and his rat thrown off the bus but I didn't want to start a riot! And on then on the way back from Dartmouth another guy decided to change his clothes - did you steal them as another rider suggested? - right on the bus we were treated to your 'show' and dude, let me tell you that was no treat! So the moral of this tale? Please leave your vermin at home but if you must travel with it use a cage or carrier. Secondly if you feel the need to change clothes please wait to do it when you get to your destination. Thank you
- Not taking the #1 for the foreseeable future

Fuck me, When I ask people where to go for Italian, Indian or Mexican or any other food that has not been dredged from the bottom of the sea and called fish chowder, I get "better to cook it yourself".

Please do not list a menu item as spicy if it does not have more than an extra shake of black pepper. I go online and check menus and you fucks are more concerned about whether it is vegan or gluten free rather than if it is authentic. I went to a Chinese place and asked for sriracha sauce or Chinese mustard. The waitress almost fell over as they did not have either one. For gods sake pull your taste buds out of the mud.
-someone with taste buds

I had a hankering for a bacon and egger the other morning, so I set off to the nearest grocery store. I picked up a package of bacon that looked pretty lean, that is, until I got it home and into the frying pan. The whole package was about 90% fat!

The only scraps of meat in the entire pack were on the edge that was against the plastic. Once you look inside, it's nothing but fat with a tiny scrap of meat along the very edge that's visible on the front of the package. How misleading to your customers! And disappointing. Now my mouth is filling with grease as I take one rubbery, gristly bite after another of this egger sandwich, my guts are turning. There is something seriously wrong with the world, we are literally living in bacon country, but can't get a decent slice of the stuff! Well, I called the company so the jokes on them...now they are refunding my money. I'll just use this pack of pork fat to flavor my beet greens.
-Still no bacon