It does not go unnoticed that you reward all the other employees for their work except for me. It does not go unnoticed that you schedule me in so that I can't attend meetings. Your tone of voice does not go unnoticed either. It appears you are jealous which is unfortunate because I don't have to work. I just wanted to make some friends but I will pass. And remember something: When I quit, you are going to have to serve me—and then I rate your performance.
—I am going to give you all ZEROS

...about overpopulation? Why is this topic taboo? This is at the root of all environmental problems—and why migrants have nowhere left to go. The earth does not need 8 billion homo sapiens. Read The Limits to Growth (1968), a bestseller, and start a conversation with someone about overpopulation.
—Doin' my bit (there's just me)

So a local paper asks: "Why are we still discussing lousy sidewalk removal?" The simple answer is, for as long as Car is King and non-drivers (taxpayers or not) remain second-class citizens, sidewalks will stay an icy, un-walkable mess. When will Bobcatters realise that plowing sidewalks into skating rinks, without also salting them, is worse than not plowing them at all? And FFS, stop dumping craploads of snow and slush on street corners! Rise up, peds, and demand better from your local councillor!
—Lifelong walker and car-hater

Okay I get it. Our sidewalks are bullshit, blah blah six o'clock news, but when it comes to picking up the poop, most of us dog owners are creating new yoga poses over snow banks in order to be good citizens and pick up. So, when I see a chunk of snow atop a poop it irritates me: If you are gonna be jack ass and not pick up, fine. But don't try and be crafty about it.
—Just being a poophead

Last year three speed humps were installed on our street.
Most of the neighbours didn’t want it. The ones who wanted it were parents with small children who play on the street unsupervised. And hey, sitting on your step glued to your cell doesn’t count as supervision.
So now, the snow is melting and the water has no place to go.
Clearly the powers that be who side with neglectful parents didn’t quite think this through? The humps are so big that even driving slowly over them scrapes the underneath of your front and back bumpers!
I wonder if the city will provide lifeguards now so the unsupervised children don’t drown in the street swamps?
—Bump bitcher

What is up with people being rude to the panhandlers? Like the cops! It's up to the drivers if they want to give them money! It's not right—I understand how you cops feel but like I said, it is up to the driver or passenger of they want to give money! But you guys embarrass the panhandlers or give them a ticket you know they can't afford to pay! You should talk to them, not be mean!
—Panhandler

Seriously. When a snowfall warning comes up on Environment Canada's forecast, common sense says "ready the plows!" Instead, today, as with most other snow days in the city, our not-so-trusty snow clearers don't take to the streets until there's already an inch or more of snow on the ground with little or no preemptive salting done beforehand. How hard is it to look on a website, see the little red banner that says "SNOWFALL WARNING!" in all caps, and call in the fleet to prepare? There's no excuse. Are you not being paid enough? Are all the plows having mechanical troubles? Do you not have access to the fucking weather forecast? Okay, fix that shit when it's NOT winter and you aren't expected to get off your ass and do your job. There shouldn't still be completely unplowed streets more than four hours after the snow starts sticking to the ground. Get your shit together.
—Honestly baffled that this is STILL a problem

Thanks for blatantly ripping off one of my most recent paintings, "Ode to LSD," for the cover of your recent weed issue.

And you wonder why the only artists left in that shit hole town are painting light houses and fucking row boats.—The actual artist

Just in case you losers didn't look in the mirror: You ARE NOT FAMOUS AND NEITHER ARE YOU A PERFOMER. You guys give a new name to absolute loser! The fact that you think going out on a Friday night getting dressed up and thinking you are 'performing' blows me a way on how oblivious people can be. Your mother lied to you! Fuck you and your smelly friends!
—Done with Halifax's biggest losers

Piss-and-shit-stained nasty ass sweet pants? Leave them at home. Man buns and flip flops? Fuck off. You're done, losers.
—Walking with coffee