Dear '70s bush. I am so sorry. I realize now that I never loved you the way you deserve to be loved. I took you for granted, I grew tired of you. I thought you were tedious. I became intoxicated with the sleek, pornified look of the modern gal. I felt the weight of social expectations. So I looked the other way when someone tore you away from me. But the moment you were gone, I was forced to confront the bare truth: without you, I am nothing. I am as powerless as Samson; I am diminished. My sex drive died. I can't bear to look at the place you once occupied in my life. I miss you desperately. Please come back to me. I know you will. And when you do, I will never let anyone rip your natural, silky beauty away from me again. —Waxing and Waning

This isn't as much a bitch as much as a thank you. It's been a couple years and I know Halloween is your favourite time so it got me thinking about you. I blocked out how many great times we had. Watching a show, riding on my bike or just laughing together. There are many times when I do miss you but, I know we can't be around each other. I just wanted to say thanks for those really good times and I hope you can manage your problems so that you can have that and more with the next guy in your life. —Just a Guy

I would like to submit a short BIG thank you to all the young ladies out there who give up their seats on the bus for the elderly, handicapped and people with children/children in carriages and people with a lot of parcels.

I travel the bus daily back and forth to work, I have been watching for quite sometime now, how often the young ladies, anywhere I'd say from 18 to 30 years of age, are getting up and giving their seats to other patrons who really need to sit. It is obvious that the young ladies are giving up their seats way more often than the young men, not to say that there's not still a few good men out there who do, as there is at least one or two on my route that will give up their seats also, but the ratio of women to men is amazingly in the favour of the women. I think these ladies need to know that their efforts are recognized and appreciated and to be encouraged to keep up the good work. Way to go ladies!!!

Now the only other thing we need to work on are people with headphones on with music so loud everyone can hear it and to me there's nothing worse than listening to music that filtered through someone else's brain! —S.M.

But I'm sorry. Sorry for writing shit I don't know or understand. Sorry for being unfair to someone who doesn't deserve it. Sorry for being a chicken shit and not talking to you. I contacted one of the people involved (no more numbers under her orders) for coffee. She was kind but told me that I had stepped way out of line here. I asked if I should post a public apology. Her words: "You were eager enough to post and be a hero, now be eager enough to post and be the arsehole." I asked if I could comment on the bitch you (and/or your friends) posted at her. She looked at me and said, "Thank you, but no. It isn't worth the trouble." But I am stealing her words, shame on you! —Mute Meeting Buddy

On my way to get a morning coffee today, I noticed a poor pigeon with a broken wing. Unfortunately I didn't have a box with me, nor did I think it would be a good idea to bring him into the office. I went back to same place at lunch, and he was still there. I stood for a minute looking at him, wondering what to do. You (sweet man with a sub) noticed the pigeon and me looking at him. I told you the story and instead of laughing or making a dumb remark, you gave him a piece of your sub. I watched the pigeon eat it, and it looked like he loved it. Poor pigeon, I guess I'll have to see if you're still there at 4:30. —The Chick with a Friend

I love you more than I can even begin to describe. I love when you leave ginger candies in my boots (even though those things are disgusting). I love when you make me late for work by not letting me leave your side to shower (even though I would be late for work anyway so who am I kidding?). I love watching you wrestle with your kitten-sized dog (and I love that I love the dog too, but it may have something to do with the fact that he's pretty much a kitten). I love that when I'm working, all I think about is how I can't wait to be off so I can hang out with you... but how much I want to stay when you come to work the night shift and I have to leave... I love all of the things I learn from you, even if it has to do with video games (you make everything sound exciting). I love when you laugh at me for being a dork, because I embrace it and am glad you do too. I love your positive outlook on life and your energy (even when I have none)... I love that even though I will always be insecure, I've never felt this comfortable about myself with anybody else. I have a long way to go, but you make it seem easy. And the fact that you're so damn fine is really the cherry on top of my sundae. I love you (just as much as you love me)... which better be a lot. —Pumpkin Pie Blizzard

Holy carp! This sea is vast and wondrous and I'm so glad to have swam up next to you. You make me weak in the jellyfish. All oceanic puns intended, I'm your moonbeam fo' life in this octopus's garden. —Full Moon Sailor

It's been a few months since our relationship ended and I've seen a few girls in that time, mostly to take my mind off of you. But none of them compare. The thing is, you treated me so lousy. You were jealous and aggressive, demanding and high-maintenance. But I still miss you and I still love you. I just wish I could stop because I really don't think there's any way we could ever be together (the reason I'm getting this off my chest anonymously). I guess I just wish things had been different. Best of luck to you and I hope I can find someone who makes me feel as wonderful as you usually did—but without all those REALLY bad parts. —Will Be Awhile

You're nine years older than me, and my boss. But I'm still pretty much in serious like with you. —Young-ish One

You're a sweet, awesome person and I love our late night poutine adventures. I'm glad that we are friends, but I'm glad we can fool around sometimes, too. I'm glad that you understand the crisis I am going through and put up with my shenanigans. I hope we have more adventures together. —Sorting My Shit Out