I'd like to extend a big “thank you” to whoever has been claiming our tiny front yard on Edward and Coburg as their dog's daily outhouse all winter. It was weird to repeatedly wake up to footprints leading from the sidewalk to our windows, but now that the snow is melting it all makes perfect sense. We're excited to clean up giant piles of your dog's shit in the double digits because you're consistently too lazy or unable to care after your pet. Maybe one day you'll see us picking up after you and will decide to be a less crappy neighbour and offer to help. In the meantime, please consider swapping your dog for a goldfish. Or, better yet, a pet rock; those are even less responsibility. —Just Some Random New Neighbours