We met in September and I knew right away you were too good to be true but I took a chance and we dated anyway. You're the sweetest person I've ever met and even though our relationship was short lived and you dumped me over Facebook, I'm still grateful that I was able to spend the time with you that I did. You were the one that got away and I'll always wonder what we could have had. I hope you achieve all your dreams and find the love you're searching for. Even though we will never meet again I will always think back fondly on our short time together. I never thought I would date again but you have opened that door for me to get out there and keep trying. Best of luck with school and I hope your life is full of love and adventure. I'll miss you more.
—Throwing away the crutches

I once mourned our lost friendship but as it turns out, you were dead weight. The life I have created is full of wonderful and inspiring people there is no longer room for you. For a “free spirit,” you were judgemental fake and materialistic. Some friendships are not worth the fight. Thank you for your passive aggressive behaviour it made moving forward much easier.  —No Room For Negativity Please!

You think I’m exotic because I look different. I’m not a snake, a tiger or some sort of foliage. I hurt, I cry and feel pain just like anyone. If you ever see me again, just remember I am as good or better than the next person you will ask out. I am me, not a shade of pale or dark but accept who I am. The mystery is over, it was meaningless so just keep walking and pretend you never met me. —Meaningless

When you left, I never thought I'd never be happy again. Three years later? My career is taking off, my girlfriend is gorgeous, and you're getting old doing the same stupid nonsense you were always doing. Even if we never talk again, I got the last laugh. —JD

I asked for very little in return. But would you help to grind the grain? No. I'm sick and tired of asking. Live with the consequences. —Little Red Hen

1)  A small, inadequate, and deflated penis is no fun—ever!
2) Your pea-sized brain is an even worse feature than your penis.
–Already Gone

You wanted to live in my house and drive my car. You wanted my husband. I gave him to you and thank you for that! You also tried to take my kids. We all know you have a serious girl crush on me but you can't be me. You got the two-cent millionaire and I got the house the car and a handsome wonderful new boyfriend. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. —Karma is your opponent

Dearest assholes at my old place of employment,
Thank you for showing me that sexism still is very prevalent in the workplace in 2016. I appreciate this eye-opener because now I know to save all my emails to a thumb drive as evidence.

To you, old bitter, bitchy little man that reminded me of a constipated Walter Matthau, thank you for reminding me NOT to tolerate racist remarks and jokes. Next time I'll do something about it and it won't be pretty. Starting my morning off at 6am to hear your crotchety gnarly voice "fuck all of you fucking idiots, I might as well run this place myself you're all fucking stupid" was wonderful. It really helped me have a stress-free work day. Also, thank you for making me super-uncomfortable with your constant slideshow of women, sexist meme jokes and stories of how you sexually harassed any girl you saw. Cheers to you and your wife.

To the manager who reminded me of a flustered Josh Duggar who needed to get laid, you need to educate yourself, stop being so inferior to women and take a management course. Your management style is the worst I've ever seen in my entire life. Wait, could it be because you have ZERO management experience? I think so! Paper pushing and hiding away isn't being a manager. Also it might help you if you knew how to do your job. Yeah that would be wise. I guess it would suck when the "people under you" knew more than you did because they actually studied when they got home. Sucks to have young, overachieving assholes around, doesn't it? How dare I do that. Please.

I was embarrassed for you. Oh and BTW the people you "stood up for" who were "complaining about me" talked enormous amounts of shit about you every day, all day and how terrible you were at your job, how stupid and unaware you were of what was going on, and how they would play you. Thank you for showing me that I do have balls and can stand up for myself unlike you. I'm pretty sure before you tell someone to "manage their emotions" you should learn how to manage yours, sir. When confronted with conflict you looked like a newborn baby trying to poop. I literally thought you were going to shit yourself.

To the douche bag ginger who couldn't shut the door when he peed in the office (oh yes ladies, he would leave the door open, so you might "walk in on him" thinking no one was in there. BECAUSE THE DOOR WAS OPEN—and you can't see all the way in) and decided to throw your mistakes on me and talking like you're equal to your clients. Reality check, hitting on women younger than you to make you feel "spry" makes you a loser. Literally a pathetic loser. You're aging, you're a douchebag and you know it. You're lazy, a liar, manipulative and disgusting. Oh yes about that, how's doing all your own work these days? Must be hard not being able to take all the credit off someone else. You're a lazy piece of shit. I hope it bites you in the ass one day.

So people, don't take a job and be surprised if you get sexually harassed, subjected to racism, bullying and bullshit. I'm a tough cookie and even I found it unbelievable. Also don't bother trying to sort it out, they're aware and don't care. Sue them instead. So fuck you. I hope someone shits in your car. —The bitch that’s over it

I felt genuine love for you. —O