Today I've read two news stories about people not practicing common sense while out swimming. In both cases emergency services had to be called to rescue the poor sap who swam out too far. Those services cost us taxpayers thousands of dollars each and every time they are used, nevermind putting those rescuers at risk to save your stupid butt. Please stop being idiotic and know your own swimming abilities. If you can't handle the tides around here, stay close to shore or better yet, hang out in a pool!
—tax paying lifeguard