My ideal Mother's Day gift would be for every man to understand what it is to be a mother. To live in constant fear of losing you. To live in constant fear that you will be hurt or someone will hurt you. I'd love for the world to stop smoking around children, move out of seats for pregnant women and understand what it is like to live on only a few hours of sleep and stay trapped indoors breastfeeding a newborn all day and all night. (I'd also love for everyone to understand that I lost most of my mind because I have to do everything one-handed while I nourish a human and a confirm button would be greatly appreciated).

I'd love for my son to grow up knowing that mommy didn't always have those stretch marks, but that they aren't ugly because they were made out of love. I'd love for my son to respect all women no matter what their size and know that mommy didn't always have that little paunch, but that he once lived inside and I sang to him and felt him kick and punch. -Due Again This Fall

Dear nurses,
Glad that strike wasn't a total waste of everyone's time. I guess it wasn't important enough to finish. I wonder if you would have accepted a pay cut and no more overtime to afford more staff so you wouldn't have to work so hard sometimes. You might be busy some days but the truth is you are paid very well to take two- to three-hour naps during night shift and have time to text your boyfriends and order pizza, so stop your whining and do the job you signed up for. -Michael Corleone

I could have vomited as I watched you on the news this evening crying crocodile tears. would you have cried those same tears for my sickly elderly dad should he have died as a result of lack of care by your striking nurses? -You Lose. He Is Still Alive

I fucking hate my dry skin so much. I never used to get it. What's a manly cream? My elbows are dry, my knees and all these itchy dry spots. My family doctor at the walk-in clinic said try the over-the-counter kind. I don't think I can say the name but it's crap, total crap. -Not A Crocodile Yet

So I live out west now (big deal, I know) and had come back to Halifax for two weeks. I absolutely love this city but I could not believe how many shops and pizza places actually have an extra charge on them. It was only between 40-65 cents each time, but it was on seven of my receipts, SEVEN! There's a reason I went out west and this one of them. Check all your receipts folks—they only got me for a few bucks but I was only there for two weeks. I cannot believe how greasy the city has become. And on top of that the fees at ATMs are ridiculously more in Nova Scotia then anywhere else. -From Parts Unknown

Why can't people mind their own damn business when it has nothing to do with them? -Keep Your Nose Out of It

As of late, my bum has been hurting more than usual. I don't know if I should expect blood? -Just Me

Who the hell wants a CB section anyway? Who the hell would pay for it either way? Three devices equals 30 articles, so eff off with the prompts cause it will never happen. -Ain't Paying for What's Free

He's your brother, not your boyfriend! Stop creeping everybody out. We all starting talking about your freaky flirting behind your backs, but it got so bad we started having to talk to your faces. Nothing changed. Why are you both so weird? Why does he pull you onto his lap ALL THE TIME and tickle you as your dress rides up higher and higher, and you're squirming and giggling, and...I vomited a little in my mouth. You say that you don't care what the world thinks, you're just having fun and you love each other. Maybe you should care a little more because even strangers comment on it. It's obvious you're related...you look like twins. When he carries you up to your bedroom to tuck you into bed, I want to rip my eyes out of my head. Gag. Not Attracted to My Brother Even Though He's Better-Looking Than Yours

Who cares? Am I robbing the cradle? Nope. My man is an adult. I'm just a little older. Fuck off and let love reign. We're talking about 12 years, not 20 or 30. Am I wrong? I don't know, but I love him, and that drowns out your mouth. -Deal With It Or Not—He's Still Mine