If you genuinely want to create and spread love, just show up and be loving. It needs no public announcement or heralding on high to make you feel good about yourself. — A Humble Heart

I would love to share my general joy with the good people of Halifax, and my ultra-special joyous delight with the good hearted, kind, nice, fair, decent, moral people of the city’s taxi commission. I would love to see their faces when Uber and Lyft are in the city, rendering the existence of their office of extortion obsolete. Just like their office, they will perish into the dark pages of history books, leaving all the pleasant memories that every driver dearly cherishes.

None of them had ever driven a taxi or a limousine, yet they know all about it from their office bible (The Holy T1000 City Bylaw), a book they hold dear to their heart and are willing to defend with their integrity and honour. Well, the heavy burden of of memorizing a 25-page bylaw is finally over, and the days of their bullying soon to be gone. No more gloating like acid-tripping peacocks, no more constant long trips from the water cooler to the coffee machine, no more walking to their houses with victory smiles, kissing their children and telling them that mommy and daddy got a paycheque for harming people.

Merry Christmas and let Uber and Lyft bless you. Yours truly,
—BMW 750Li

I have a small suggestion for retail stores about people shopping with a backpack. First of all my backstory: My physiotherapist has suggested I use a backpack instead of a purse, as I fell last winter twice and my back is still recovering. It's easier than a purse and doesn't put as much strain on my back. So please please stop following me around like I'm a shoplifter and I'm going to clean out the store. It is so obvious.

A lot of people use a backpack because they're on a bike or don't have a car, and it's easier to carry multiple things home from the store. If you must ask me to leave my bag at the counter to ease your mind while I shop, please do, but don't insult my intelligence by following me around on your walkie-talkie or calling to other stores that I'm coming in their direction. Geez, there's nothing more embarrassing then being treated like a criminal. I even did an experiment and didn't take my backpack shopping and there wasn't a peep. Please think before you assume from now on. Not everybody is dishonest. All you have to do is ask.
—Tired Of The Backpack Assumptions In "Tis The Season"

It must’ve been hilarious to almost hit me with your car and watch me jump back because you weren't looking. It's really too bad you didn't take up my offer when I asked you to get out of your car right then, or even the second time when you pulled up on me trying to scare me. Nah homie, get out of the car—I'm not fucking playing. You think it's funny to almost take someone's life? Let's laugh together next time. This isn't the first time, either. This happens daily and now I'm on a warpath for Halifax drivers who don't think they need to pay attention to pedestrians.
—Come Find Out

These new plain cigarette packs are fine and dandy, but why can't there be a stripe on the cigarette to differentiate the tobacco part from the filter? The whole thing is just plain white. I'm smoking filter over here and never know when my cigarette is done. Also, those nasty pictures on the packs need to go. Words are enough of a warning. I don't want to see a bowl of bloody piss or a picture of a dude with a hole in his neck. There are pictures of people dying that are exploitative. I don't think these people want to be remembered through a picture on their deathbeds.

Just stop with the pictures already. Or else put picture warnings on everything bad. Liquor should have pictures of cirrhosis livers and beer guts. Junk food should have labels with pictures of fat asses on them. The government needs to focus on something they can actually fix, like homelessness or more food banks or housing or an issue where you can make a positive change with your time and energy.
—Puff The Magic Dragon

Phone Zombie! Yes, you there, walking down the street staring at your phone! You are a hazard to navigation! Perhaps you are even performing wreckless endangerment by dashing into the street without looking? Yes, it's true Phone Zombie, humans cannot walk past a mirror, window or TV screen without looking, even if it's CNN. But it is also true that each of us is part of nature.

Phone Zombie, somehow billions of cells are working within us and somehow working together—and hopefully for the long haul—if you are lucky. But Phone Zombie, in life there are no receipts, no guarantees, warranties or user manuals. Why? Because we simply do not know how to build a human. And we have no idea how it or the universe works. Some call it a miracle.

Phone Zombie, a disconnect from nature is a disconnect with reality. And you, like it or not, are nature. Phone Zombie, staring at a phone or any screen is unnatural behavior, especially in public. Some might consider it rude.

So Phone Zombie, I'm afraid you not only look like a fool but you are promoting a disconnect with nature. Please Phone Zombie, put the phone down, look around and enjoy the natural world. After all, this is Halifax where the water may be cold but the people are warm. You are free here. Free to say hi to old friends and make new ones—even when walking down the street.

You are missing out, Phone Zombie. And at the same time you are diminishing how essential the natural world is.
—The Illinois Enema Bandit

Saw this popular singer with on TV—the woman with the black hair ends and bright green roots—and wondered what the fuss is all about? When did mumbling off-key into a microphone become a raving sensation in music? She sounds and looks wack. I have no idea why she's getting commercial success, her music is nothing more than a fake glorification and monopolization of depression that confused children latch onto. Spouting "who here hates themselves" in the middle of a concert is just an example of how damaging this irresponsibility is to humans in their formative years. This chick is nothing more than another symptom of soulless recycled pop garbage for the masses incapable of critical thinking to eat up.
—Muzak Critic

I was walking down the sidewalk today when I was literally forced off it by two women walking side by side. I had to step around their selfish asses and got a headful of water running off the shop's eavestrough above, ruining my hair! Learn some sidewalk etiquette, people! If you're walking down the sidewalk with another person, merge right and fall into single file so the person coming toward you can pass. Share the sidewalk, assholes. Next time, I'll yell right in your face to "MOVE bitch!" The same goes for people in stores who leave their shopping wagon in the middle of the narrow aisles and pretend they don't see you trying to get around them. You are not the only person on earth. Get some couth, you damn dickheads!
—Fellow Citizen

  I need to get this off my chest. Pizza shops in Halifax: Your pizza tastes great, it has potential, but…and there is a but! You neeeed to start cooking your pies for longer or at a higher temp. The bready parts are almost raw, it's so squishy and floppy. Like, it can be sort of squishy, that's what bread does when it has a lot of air bubbles, however the Halifax slice is undercooked. We need to accept this and start making crispy, properly cooked slices stat. It's not that difficult and I believe in us.
—A Single Tear

So this week a couple of guys from St. FX were found not guilty of sexual assault. The judge found that the three-way they had with an unnamed woman was by all accounts consensual (seems there were partygoers and others wandering into the bedroom from time to time who became witnesses). My Bitch is why does the law allow these guys' names and their "perp walk" photos to be published the moment they are simply accused. I notice that the female complainant still has her name and photo hidden, even after she loses the case. That system is reasonable for the woman, but hey, even if innocent the guys will have this hanging over them forever. Any reason they can't put a lid on the entire case until it is decided? WTF.
—Buddy With Questions