I'm looking for feedback on this annoying advertisement on TV. It starts by showing the Crest of the Governor General and then pans in on him, fake-eating popcorn, then he invites us schmucks to come and watch a movie under the stars at his residence. Being politically correct, they alternate nights—one night the movie is in English, the next night it's in French. I'm guessing the movies are 100 Percent Canadian Content, translation: fucking crap. -Charlie Chaplin

To the guy at the gym who told me I was "too ripped for a girl": Maybe telling you to go fuck yourself on the spot was unnecessarily harsh. I've had some time to think about it, and I realize that I should be gratified by your "respect for my dedication," and thankful for your insight that "dudes don't find that much muscle attractive on a girl." But here's the thing, and I realize it's a thing that will not ever have occurred to you before, so put down your protein shake: I don't owe you a hard-on. It's not my job to sculpt my body into a form that is pleasing to your eye. I'm not depriving you of something you're entitled to by pursuing a physical ideal that's not attractive to you. So while I appreciate your advice to "focus more on cardio," I'm not about to completely reevaluate my fitness goals because some random meathead doesn't want to bone me. On second thought, "Go fuck yourself" was the appropriate response. -Not Your Eye Candy

Any of you hunters out there wanna come up to the Clayton Park area and shoot all these shitty deer? The filthy things are everywhere and stinking up the joint with their ticks and poop but people like them because they are "majestic" and "beautiful"—BLLLLLEEEEEECCCCCHHHHH! I've seen skunks with more majesty than these stupid things. One day I spooked one and it ran into a fucking tree, these things are idiots!!! Please come and shoot these things in the face before the bears start thinking this is a good idea. -Four Legs of Filthy Hater!

I have been reading enough about Halifax being such a "shithole." When are we going to realize that we have the power to change this? I mean, OK, so we're not Alberta or British Columbia or somewhere "important" but we also can do better than just wallowing in how we are such a have-not anyway. Halifax can be about its people: not its "besties" or "peeps" but real people. And we need to lose the attitude and the constantly sad music about coal-mining disasters and losing men at sea. The attitude isn't helping and Halifax is only a shithole because we are too cynical to take any pride when it's too tidy to just wallow in it and default to the notion that we're not supposed to be so welcoming when we only care about our own selfish adequacy or survival in spite of everybody else. The problem is us, and we have to deal with it. Halifax could be heaven on earth if we chose for it to be. -Enough Have-Not Already

An equal balance lies within, angelic and dark sin. No one could guess as I walk beside, what is truly on the inside. Perceptions of me, they make in their mind. It's not their fault they are blind. To let one in on my little secret, my heart must decide as the angel knows what is needed. The angel guards over the dark, to ensure it is not left with a mark. When it does allow its counter to show, it chooses the right partner to know. Now, the angel has spoken and opened the gates. For you, a man, a playmate. Decision you made, friends we are, which I will respect even though it will be hard. We are a true fit, and one day you will see...that thing you are looking for resides in me. -The Gates Will Always Be Open For You!

To the barista at a certain north-end coffee spot: Yes, the kid we were with gingerly opened the door marked Employees Only. Good eye. I hope you feel good about intimidating paying customers into leaving (while implying criminal activity) over someone (with special needs) curiously peeking into your kitchen. You're a bully, you made me cry, and I won't be back. -I don't need your coffee anyway!

Recent earnings, you cannot be fucking serious. -Lights Off All The Time

Why is it that when someone lets a door close in my face, it is almost ALWAYS a middle-aged to older woman? I guess I know why, but it feels good to bitch about it. Look behind you, ladies. -SociallyEnabled

Smokers, why do you think it's OK to litter? Deal with your own garbage. The city is filthy with your casually tossed butts. There is NO excuse for it. Most of you likely wouldn't toss a candy wrapper on the ground, but feel it's perfectly normal to nonchalantly drop your spent smoke anywhere you happen to be. Grow up and take the responsibility that comes with your addiction. -YouAllStinkToo

When a real angel walks among the rest of us sadistic balls of angst, selfishness and desires, you’d think you could treat her with a little more kindness instead of tearing off her wings and leaving her to bleed to death behind a locked door. She’s banging on that door with all the strength she has left, while I sit on the other side. Helpless. Waiting for someone to let her out. To whatever forces are playing such a deadly game with her life, please please please stop. I'm scared. -Raging ball of angst, friend of said Angel